It’s too quite in here. I used to hate quite. But lately, I get used to it. My room is dark, but it is better this way.
Suddenly a man enters the door. He is the love of my life. My husband.
Questions pop in my head. It is past midnight, he’s coming home late. Was he with somebody else earlier?
But then I look at his face. He looks tired. So, I figure, he must have worked much today. That is why I stay quite and decided not to ask him anything. Beside, he hates it when I get all jealous and suspicious with no good reason.
Suddenly I smile a little. I remember 5 years ago we were in this roadtrip to Surabaya to visit my parents. Back then he made me wonder why he had this sudden rush to take such long trip driving instead of taking the much more effective way by plane.
We were in Semarang when he said, “ Do you know why I suddenly want us to go to Surabaya?”
“No”, I said.
“I want to ask your parents if it is ok if I want to take you as my wife. And if they say yes, I would like to ask them to come along with us to Jakarta so that our parents can meet.”
I was in complete shock. My mouth opened so wide and warm mist started to fill my eyes.
Thirty seconds later I responded, “Would it be better if you ask me first. Do you think I don’t mind?”
He looked at me with one eyebrow higher than the other.
“Do you mind?”
“No.”
Seconds later he pulled his car over and kissed me. And of course, I kissed him back while my uncontrollable tears made our face wet.
Aaahhh, those good times..
Again, I look at my husband. He is sitting in brown rocking chair that he loves so much. He stares blankly to the wall. Moments after, he opens his grey shirt and toss it to the floor. Why is he doing that? He knows I hate that. But I stay still. I don’t take the shirt like I used to do and put it right away in washing machine in the kitchen.
About fifteen minute later he comes out from the bathroom looking fresh and smelling soapy. He yawns. I guess he is sleepy. He climbs up to our bed wearing his favorite blue pajamas. I always thought he looked sexy in it.
And then, I turn on the TV.
He sighs and looks tense.
“Honey, please.. I am so tired.”
I sigh. I turn off the TV.
I feel like lately I annoyed him a lot. He knows I can not sleep without turning on the TV. I don’t like to sleep in silent.
When I turned on the TV yesterday, he even told me to leave him alone.
He also looked distance lately. He is quieter, coming home late almost everyday and he does not look happy.
Why is he like that? Doesn’t he love me anymore?
Since I am not sleepy yet, I make my self busy. I pick up his shirt from the floor and put it on a hanger, then I start to clean up his messy working table in our room. His agenda is on there. My curiosity arise.
I begin to run trough his daily activities. His meeting schedules, lunch appointments, deadlines and all. Suddenly I read something unpleasant. Those capital letters make me grasp.
It said, I AM SO ANGRY WITH YOU. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME?
Once again I look at him. I want to hold him, but I can not.
He wrote that 13 days ago. The day that I died.
*Pu3*
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